Tuesday, May 22, 2012

New Money = New You - Old You

The title of this post was not created by me.  This quote came from a very interesting book I finally got my hands on by Rabbi Daniel Lapin called Thou Shall Prosper.  I'm only 8% into this book (thanks to Kindle for giving me the percentage) and I'm already excited with the concepts I'm reading.  Rabbi Lapin explains how making more money changes a person, which then further allows a person to make more money.  The formula explained in the title is a simple math equation that really is a very interesting concept.  In order to create more wealth, a person needs to continue to grow and change to match the desired environment and expectations. 

It's been a couple months since I've had the opportunity to really sit here & explain all the changes that have been going on in my life.  My 3 kids are doing extremely well.  My youngest is 18 months old now and just so much fun.  All 3 of my kids are thriving in daycare and with family that help us out when we need it.  I think I mentioned in my last post how I have gone back into investments with my career and my overall outlook has changed 180 percent.  I'm extremely optimistic in ways that I haven't quite been in the past.  I'm finding my inner spirit that I've lost slightly over the last 5 years while some of my life choices were affecting my environment in some ways that were out of my control.  I realize now that I had an underlying fear deep in my soul that was preventing me from moving forward.  I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to financially support my 3 children, that my professional success would prevent me from being the best parent that I can be, and that if I took on too much responsibility that I wouldn't be able to be successful with work or family.  All of this fear proved that my failures were true and that because of this fear, I would not have the success that I dreamed of while I was in school and working so hard towards my future.

It's funny how I came through a dark part of my life with many positive things happening around me and yet I still was so fearful and disappointed with myself.  I produced 3 healthy, adorable children with an amazing husband with a love amongst all of us that tells me we will never be broken.  In the last 4 years, my career path has been uncertain but as my father-in-law pointed out to me recently, I've always managed to find work even in a difficult economy where unemployment is so high.  My kids adore each other and both their parents and are doing excellent in a school/daycare environment.  Yet, with all this positive activity in my life, I was so fearful that our financial situation would get away from us and we would end up in a situation where our bills could not be paid because our family was changing/growing, that I allowed the fear of losing control to be the focus of my decision making process.  This fear is the reason that I've been unable to see the many successes we've accomplished over the last couple years.

But I was able to slowly change my focus and with the help and guidance of reading many motivational, financial and inspirational advice resources, I've been able to change my focus from fear to possibility.  I've always believed in hard work creates future opportunities and I'm not one to shy away from work.  However, in having 3 kids, I somehow convinced myself that I would not be a good parent if I still pursued my career and all the work experience I've gained over the last 10 years.  In my head, a successful career became associated with selfishness and immoral behavior, especially when I had small children who relied on me for educational guidance.  Mostly, because I listened to the 'negative noise' of other people and parents who gave me this bad advice.  I was raised by a mother who stayed home to raise her 8 children and didn't dare to work outside the home.  However, I pushed for my education and my parents encouraged it to have a better future.  I couldn't see what that future entailed because I didn't have any role models to show me that working and having a family could be a successful pairing. 

I know that the parents who suggested working full time while raising small children did not have bad intentions when they offered this advice.  However, each person is wired differently and what one person's capabilities are is different from the next person's. I have a few friends who work and raise children and have the support of family but this isn't the norm.  Most working parents talk about the sacrifices that are made and special events that are missed in their child(ren)'s life if working is part of the equation.

What I have learned for myself is that I work better when I have number of responsibilities going on at one time.  I naturally push myself to excel and when I'm not pursuing my own dreams, then I'm not being the best role model for my children.  If I enjoy working and pursuing a career but give this all up because I believe that's impossible to achieve when I have children, then my children will grow to have the same belief. That's not values I want my children to have.  I truly value mothers/fathers who choose to stay home with their kids and are able to give them the educational value and fulfillment that is possible.  However, for myself, I realized that my kids gained more value in a daycare setting where they interacted with their peers and could begin a classroom structure of lessons then anything I could put together on my own.  My sister and a few of my friends are able to gather free or inexpensive pre-school materials and structure their children to have a routine on a daily basis.  However, I struggled with maintaining the house chores, meals, educational lessons and frankly, it was all areas that I feel someone else could do a better job at.  I love to teach people new things and I thought I would love being home with my kids to teach the basics things.  I still love being a part of this process and when I'm home on the weekends, I do.  However, I realized that a part of my intellectual side was utterly BORED!  I  needed more stimulation for myself.  I love the interaction with my kids, but I also found myself making things more complex with the house, my kids' schedules or even my husband's business that I worked on the financials for, just to keep my own interest peaked.

I'm not writing any of this to say one way is right or wrong.  What I learned through my own process is there is NO RIGHT WAY!  I learned that the guilt I put on myself about any of the above situations is what caused me to see anything in a negative light.  I realized that if I continue to follow my own dreams, no matter what age I am & what other life changes come my way, that is part of the best parenting I can provide to my children.  Of course, I also believe that part of those dreams involves my children's own success and support so I will always make their needs a priority and my goals will compliment the responsibilities I feel I can provide as a parent to helping my kids find their own path to success.

Overall, I've realized that as many other leaders have stated in the past, we are only as successful as we allow ourselves to be.  Once we allow ourselves the possibility to be successful in ways unimaginable, then the limits we've placed on ourselves are removed and more success comes our way.  In life, everything is a cycle and karma is realized.  Good produces good because that is what we focus on, just as bad becomes more bad because that is what the focus is on.  Success is driven when we believe that success is the only solution.

I can't wait to get through the rest of the book, Thou Shall Prosper.  I actually stopped reading the book, so I could write this blog because I wanted to share my excitement and I know that I've pushed this aside for a little while.  I hope everyone find my blogs as inspiring as I feel.  I know I will do great things in this world because I've always believed in the spirit of possibility.

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